I had always wanted to be a stay at home mother for as long as my mind can remember. We tried to have me work out of the home with my first born but it was not my favorite thing to do and leaving my first baby was difficult. I was also in nursing school with my first but had a hard time to finish due to moving to a new state, being broke and time with a baby and trying to work and be a wife it was just too stressful so I dropped out with only 2 semesters to go. Though it was a big disappointment in myself I knew it was the right thing. Taking college courses on and off through the years to try and finish was a lot of work and it was hard to gain momentum and finding the extra funds to finish wasn’t easy. When our second boy came along it was not feasible to pay for 2 kids in day care so we chose for me to stay home full time. Then we had our 3rd and it was a given that working outside the home would not happen for a very long time. My husband was the main bread winner. We made it work. We gave up a lot but we had a lot as well.
So we chose the stay at home mom route. Now I am thankful for choosing this route but it has not always been what I dreamed it would be. You can lose a lot of who you are in this process of mom and wife. You don’t socialize as much with others because you are always home with your kids and the house is always calling your name. The life after awhile consumes you and you lose who you once thought you were.
There is also the problem when you say you are a stay at home, getting the stigma that we sit around doing nothing and eat bon bons all day, which sure there are days where that is possible but there are days where that is anything but true. There is also the ” oh you stay home so you are free for me to use you because I don’t have the time but I know you do since you don’t work.” This can cause a lot of crabbiness and misuse of a stay at home mom. We do work its just not the same as going to a job with a start time and an off time. We work around the clock but we also get the advantage for the most part to make our own schedule until when the kids start school, and they join every club and sport in the world and you become the driver. Don’t forget to add in volunteering, cleaning house, making sure laundry is caught up and the kids have homework to do. When is dinner?, whats for dinner?,And Oh mom I forgot my science project is due tomorrow!
One of the big problems that came about is the self worth became a big low. Without bringing in a paycheck there was the feeling of unworthiness because of not contributing to the money coming in. That created the vicious cycle of never doing anything for myself and being put on the back burner due to guilt. My dreams were shoved away and it was ok for the most part. I loved raising my kids and to be home and make my own schedule and be at the beckon call of my children and husband. That part gave me worth as wife and a mother. But other parts of me did not see the worth in it. I started to wonder is this really all there is? I have such a long to do list but I never feel rested, or pretty or like me and I miss doing things that did not revolve around the home or the children or my husband. There was a feeling of a tug of negativity and starting to resent this stay at home job that was once so truly wanted. I had given up a large part of me. What happened to Heather?
Then we decided to start our own business a few years back and I became involved doing the office work and books for my husbands business. The feeling of worth started coming back. I was doing something that sounded a lot greater than I am just a mom. People see more worth when you tell them your working title. I saw the worth in my working title. But then something happened and I realized something was still missing and the happy was missing. Some of my duties as just a mom and stay at home wife were being put on the back burner and it was hard to juggle it all. This is what I wanted and had asked for this. I wanted to feel worth by working and having an official title to my name. There was this torn in two feeling, wondering why there was no happiness.
After a few years I told my husband I was not happy and I wanted to be home more so I could focus on homeschooling, the home, being a mom and to try and figure out what MY dreams really were. There were some things I wanted to try and pursue but could never organize them because they were always jumbled in my crazy mind and there was this large to do list that never ended. Being a great husband that he is and after many talks he understood my struggle and my heart and my wish was granted. Everything fell into place like it was suppose to and I got put in a working position that I wanted. I still had a part time office job where work was manageable, we could still home school, still volunteer at my daughters class, still be mom, still be wife and start to find out my passions and dreams that my heart was ready to experience.
What I have learned over the past few years is that I had to re position my mindset. I had to start appreciating what it is I really wanted. And titles are not really all that. I decided to pursue some of my passions with starting my blog, doing 2 work at home side businesses in makeup and in travel. Getting to work part time for my husbands business and still getting to have my own schedule, home school my boys, take care of the home and start to learn how to really live. Stepping away from negativity and positioning my mind to say how grateful and thankful for each little thing and moment that I get to carry with me. It still takes a lot of work to grow each day but to get to be thankful as a worker, a mother and a wife, makes me feel truly blessed. Experiencing the best of the both worlds, makes me thankful and appreciate it. I wake up realizing my worth and how much more is out there and there are so many options to pursue dreams and find out who you are and to grow every day. Getting to cherish each moment and its all a choice! We get to choose each moment on this earth and how we will use them.
I get the privilege to stay at home and to work from home and for that I am thankful and I am blessed.
~Be the Light for all to See~