Staying strong when you feel like you might crumble


I’m sitting here in the hospital room listening to my husband silently breathe in and out. The noisiness of all the sounds are deafening as all the thoughts go through my head. And all I can say is Thank you God for this day. Thank you God that my husband is doing good and is on the road to healing. Thank you for another day that I am breathing. What can I do today to be better than I was yesterday?! Going through tough things really puts life into perspective.

These last few months have been tough and have consumed much of me emotionally. Trying to stay strong but deep down feeling like I might crumble. The only thing holding me together is my faith. I can’t do this life without God. It just doesn’t work for me. I know not everyone  believes in an invisible being or they blame God for their sufferings but that’s ok, do you how you know how or what works best for you, but for me I know He helps me survive and thrive through all of my tough times. We have had our fair share of unfair things happen to us. This world is unfair but my God still holds me and loves me through it all.

Rewind back to January,  my husband went off to Hawaii to look at a job our company got there. I had no plans of going but when he got there he asked me to hop on a flight and join him, and of course who says no to that offer, so I did. We had a great few days and lots of good talks and some time for just he and I. While we there he was not feeling super good and felt like something was wrong internally.  When we got home we set up an appt. with his Dr. The short story,  they found a mass in his colon during a scan and from there we have been going through worry,  trust, faith, prayers and finding strength during times of uncertainty. During all this uncertainty with his health, we lost our family dog which really hit the family hard. Over the last few months we seemed to  have  a number of many other small things that have piled up to make us feel like life was trying to suffocate us.  Fast forward to now my hubby is laying in his hospital room recovering from bowel surgery. It’s funny how things work out. He is going to be ok. It’s a struggle and it’s a healing process but we are alive. We are still breathing. We are appreciating all our friends and family and truly seeing the love that surrounds us.  All the goodness that you can see when hard times happen.

It seems like so much of life is focused on the negative of everything. Fear and negativity sells. Fear makes people hide and not get out and do things. Negativity tries to consume our minds. We can not let fear win. The negatives can not outweigh the positives in life. The darkness tries to win but It will never win!

The times of suffering, this is when our eyes get opened and we see the good in people, when we really look. We see the real, raw  beauty in this world that sometimes gets lost in our everyday busyness. Community is so important and we can  forget that sometimes. But love is what we crave, the Real human connection. And during the times when we need to see the beauty, we find the beauty!


~Be the Light~



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