Sometimes I just don’t know all the answers

The other day my son and I were going to his 3 month Dr checkup for his Type 1 Diabetes. He started to ask me some questions that I did not truly know the answer to but  I tried to let him know best I could.

He is 16 and has been dealing with this disease for 4 years. September was his 4 year anniversary since diagnosis. It has been a roller coaster to say the least. With him growing up and going through the teenage years we have had a little struggle with it over this last year and things are not always going well. We do it best we can but it’s not always how we strive for it to be. It could always be better.

We talked about the struggles and about our faith and about life. He asked me this question “Mom if God loves me why would he punish me with this disease?”

For a second I felt a huge punch in my gut wondering how I could answer that because I myself had asked this same question and I did not quite know what the real answer was.

I  said a quick prayer trying to search my soul for the best answer and told him this:

“Son sometimes life is hard. Bad things happen because we live in a fallen world. We are given free will to choose what we want and with that sometimes there are bad things that happen because we were given that choice.

Im not saying that the disease was a choice but what I am saying is because from the  beginning of time we were given a choice to choose the knowledge of good and evil, that now we have struggle, we have pain, we have brokenness.

What I can say is I know we can get angry at God for the bad things that happen to us but I know that He still loves us even when we want to throw rocks at Him. Maybe God thought you and our family were strong enough to handle this. Maybe it wasn’t God at all that let it happen. Maybe God isn’t real but I honestly know how life  is when I don’t have the belief and faith verses when I do so I highly doubt that scenario is possible.

But maybe it happened because life is hard and it sucks sometimes and we just have to deal with the valleys and hills and the highs and  lows.

Maybe we can use this trial you carry on your shoulders for good and you can be a voice to help other kids who struggle and you can show them that even though they live with this life altering disease, they can still follow their dreams and do something purposeful in their life.

Their old dream may have to go away but then a new, better, bigger dream will come along. And you my son can be one who shares your story and your struggle and how you have overcome it. Share how you fight everyday the battle and you make it through.  Maybe that  is the simple reason why you carry this disease.”

It’s all in how we use our broken pieces, will we let them overtake us and grind us into the pit of darkness or will we overcome and be a light to someone else and to ourselves. I don’t know all the answers and I dont know why these things happen but I do know we have a purpose and a higher calling and we are going to make each day worth it and worth every moment and we are going to grasp those moments and cherish them and share them and we will teach love and joy to others even when we are sad and broken ourselves.

#choosethismoment #choosetoday

~Be the Light for all to see~



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