Do you ever have those mornings where you just feel like you are on auto pilot and you know you just went through the motions of the day? I have been doing that a lot lately. I know there is so much more but right now in my life I just, AM. That is as simple as it gets. Though I am having more days where I feel the slow spark trying to reappear inside me. One thing I do know is I love us. I just made that board above the other day at a make n take vinyl party. And its just three simple words that mean so much. I love my family and its the most important thing to me. I think so much so that I am way too hard on myself that I am not doing a good job. And I struggle that I haven’t gotten everything in the right order and I don’t always make good food choices for us. I so want our diet completely healthy but I struggle daily with my motivation. I am mentally exhausted. Questions I ask myself often: Why are there so many things that make me sad and make life a little more difficult that have happened? What is wrong with me? I seem to wake up a lot of mornings and feel this huge weight on my chest, can I get through today? will I be a good mom today? Will I make my family proud? Can I make sure I keep everything under control? yes I am very tough on myself and I know I can’t control every thing, I have learned that so much in the past few months but I still question myself. I wish lots of times things were just perfect but then life would be boring right?! Life sometimes has a mind of its own and you think you are going one way but things change and you change. I think food is so important in our life but man when its crazy busy all I really want to do is go grab a quick drive thru meal and call it good, even if we feel like garbage later on. Its just one meal right or is it? Usually its lessons learned the hard way. My celiac son waking up and puking because we decided to make poor choices. why do my kids have to suffer with their sicknesses and is it my fault?I was the one that carried them in my belly for 9 months and didn’t eat properly. I never realized how important food really is and I was a young new mom and I loved junk food. I grew up on it. A reward for us as kids would be cokes and m&m’s yum yum! ( I still love those by the way) It didn’t seem wrong to eat lots of candy, limited veggies or lots of carby foods and lots of pizza. I loved pizza when I was pregnant with hunter. I think I ate better choices when I was pregnant with McKenzie and exercised the most but I still didn’t quite understand how food really feeds you. I just ate it cause I was hungry not because I needed to LIVE.
It was when Steve suffered his heart attack at 32 and my friend Kristy who had her daughter about a month before mine got food allergies and she had to cut all this stuff out of their diet that just seemed so normal to eat, this is when I started to look into reading about nutrition. I thought man that seems so difficult and we were a struggling family of 5 so healthier food options are lots of $$$ and then decided not to give it another thought and we went on our merry way of making bad food choices. We loved to go out to eat and I hated cooking. I was probably the worst cook EVER!! I mean when Steve and I got married I knew how to make top ramen and grilled cheese sandwiches the best. He has lots of stories making fun of the way I made lunches or dinners. It was a real sore subject for me. So here we are now 5 years down the road of when I first started thinking “well maybe we should change our diet” . It never really set in until my babies started to get sick, steve always felt horrible and I started feeling horrible with lots of health issues that now my eyes are opening and I know we need to look at whats making us sick.
I think food affects me in many ways one being big is depression. Even though we live in a sun starved state which I think has a lot of effect on moods I too think food has a huge deal on our moods and I never totally realized it until I started cutting certain foods out and then I would test it. After a week of no gluten and then I eat gluten to not again, it takes a whole week until my joints stop hurting, my headaches go away and my mood changes to a more happier me. I do know there is so many conflicting things out there on eating but its so true “you are what you eat” Right now we are in the food changing process and Groceries are stinking expensive in Alaska and I just want to get some yummy fresh veggies. I am a horrible gardener and the last few summers I have killed everything I grow well part of it was I left for a trip back home for 5 weeks so that probably didn’t help. 🙂 I thinkI will try again this summer or maybe try to hit up more of the farmer markets and local farms. I wish summer wasn’t so short here. Changing your diet and I mean foods not a “DIET as in today’s society version of a DIET” but a new way of life of eating is a working progress and I have tell myself you are worth it and your family is worth it so get your big girl panties on and coffee in hand (yes I like my coffee – its one vice at a time) and its time to start your day.
Today is a day where I have all day with not a lot of errands to run and things I can get done in the office on my to do’s while the kids are at school and I can’t seem to motivate myself to do it. I know I will be upset if I don’t get my list at least half way crossed off because the day seems to just slip away. I have gotten a load of laundry done so that is a plus but I have about 4 of them to fold. Oh well such is life and with a big family laundry never really ends. I have my dinner plans all made that makes me happy. Thanks to my mama for my new crock pot she bought me for Christmas. It sure comes in handy when I get tired of slaving in the kitchen. I just throw a bunch of stuff in there and the end of the day before the kids have their evening events walla! dinner is made. Lately I am always looking for new ideas for dinners or just meals when your kids have food allergies or food intolerances. Yes I have become a much better cook and I do love it when my kids say “Mama that was the best dinner ever!” I look in my old cookbooks and change them up with the new items I have found to cook with but I have really been enjoying looking up new food blogs and online ideas that help get a recipe just right. There are tons of people out there who have been dealing with the same things we do and it helps to see what works for them and what does not. I have had some major failures in the dinner area especially because my hubby is so picky so finding out what works best for others has really helped. I have become a huge fan of the Paleo cookbooks. I have not changed us to complete paleo but I do love to slip their recipes into our dinners for the day and use my two favorites cookbooks and these websites. I have downloaded these cookbooks onto my iPad iBook app which makes cooking a lot less dreadful for me. They are “Paleo comfort foods”by Julie and Charles Mayfield http://paleocomfortfoods.com/ and “Everyday Paleo” by Sarah Fragoso http://everydaypaleo.com/. Now like I said I have not gotten fully paleo in our household even though I really like what they have to say and it makes being gluten free so much easier and I feel much healthier when I eat this way. I would say we are on an 60/40 diet of paleo which I am working towards at least an 80/20 and maybe someday when I totally get my family on board we can be 100%. The problem is we still love junk food. Now I think a little dessert is good every once in awhile its the every day thing that is not good. So we have to work towards that goal but I figure baby steps you can’t change the world in one day. I mean it took God 7 days to create the world right?!
Here are Two other books I have enjoyed lately explaining our today’s food. They are “Wheat Belly’ by Willam Davis M.D. http://www.wheatbellyblog.com/ and one I just checked out at my local library is “What’s Eating your Child?” by Kelly Dorfman, MS, LND http://whatseatingyourchild.com/
In a nutshell food is LIFE! And you can not change everything at once. Definitely check out some food blogs and check out some paleo recipes. I am posting a link also to a recipe that has been a hit in my family lately. They are great on the go item and actually pretty healthy for you. I use a bar of semi sweet chocolate because that’s what I had in my cupboard and it was dairy free but you can play around and see what works best for you. These bars are super easy to make and pretty quick which I am always looking for quicker healthier meals because we seem to be always pressed on time. Hope you enjoy!!